The Field Marshal

Of Marriage, Family and Responsibility Actually I have crafted a post this morning about my impending move to a new department this morning. But some server hidden somewhere on this globe just gobbled it up. Decided not to follow up with a similar post since I always found it irritating trying to recapture what was written earlier. For friend who are concerned with my professional life, I will be moving on 23 Jan. If there's a lack of updates here during that period, it means that I am working hard over at my new place. Well, that's that. Now for this post. Well, Naniecheng, I and a colleague were having lunch earlier. During our, almost, daily gossip session, the topic of interest fell on boy-girl relatioships, or BGR. It all started with my ever nosey genuine interest in the welfare of my fellow colleagues in office. Started off asking how's his pursuit of a particular girl in the office. Being his old evasive self, he brushed off all attempts to probe into his deep and dark fantasy world of romance personal life. Anyway, we ended up discussing the problems faced by one of his female friends. That's still technically fodder for gossip right? Evil me. Basically, his friend is married and has a young child. The problem is that this friend of his yearns to taste life overseas for an extended period of time. However, she feels trapped by her family. All this makes for one unhappy mummy with a stressed out hubby and kid. Being a person who symphatise more than emphatise, here's what I think about all this. Married Life Underneath the cloak of modernity that I adorn is the spirit of an old fogey. Old fogey as in that I hold on to certain values and ethics which have been considered outmoded by today's generation Y. Gen Yiner's (read whiners) think that the postmodern world they live in is a free for all. Institutions such as marriage is an outdated concept relevant only to the baby boomers of the 60s and 70s. This thinking is the very disease which plagues the youths of the world today. That, will be another post for the future. So, what about marriage life? For me, marriage, is about being a loving and responsible spouse. One can argue that a person can be both loving and responsible out of wedlock, and that marriage is but an institution that gives a societal status to the couple. Such a view can only come from singles who think they know everything about life and marriage. While I agree that being loving and acting responsibly is not exclusive to only those couples who are married, I disagree that they are the same in both married and non-married relationships. Being the straight laced person that I am, marriage here precludes gay unions. Yes, I am a stick in the mud. A stick that's stuck really deep. So, what's with married life? Well, I for one believe that in a marriage, people do not just simply walk out on their partners. They stay together through thick and thin, in good times and bad, in sickness and in health. That sounds like the marriage vows in church. Get the drift? Couple just don't up and leave a relationship in times of trouble. Such bond is not apparent in stay-in couples. Somehow the process of marriage transforms couples into more than mere journey partner on this planet. Marriage creates a stronger bond between 2 people that just a simple profession of love. You can perhaps say that we grow into the very concept of marriage, instead of it grows into us. Kids Some couples just pines for them, others just shudder at the thought of having them. Kids are sometimes seen as the final jigsaw to the picture perfect family life. How do these little devils angels factor in marriage and responsibility? Firstly, we must agree that without the parent's 'consent' no kids will be born into a family. So, if I hear one word from any parent saying that the kid was an accident, I would give that fella an earful. If parents do not want kids, they either spend some money on rubber or they jolly well abstain. Telling me that the feeling is not shiok ain't an excuse. You want to have that feeling, be jolly well prepared to have that baby coming out of your wife after 9 months. That's life. Frankly, I cannot understand why my colleague's friend can actually think of skipping the country to live in a foreign land for a year. Doesn't her maternal instincts tugs at her heartstrings to stay behind for her kid? I confess that I am not one to emphatise. Tending to symphatise more, my answers to people's plight is to provide answers. Guess that's why I am an ENTJ type of person. Since the lady under discussion here is not my friend, I cannot criticise her since I do not know that problems or stresses she face. However, I just find it hard to understand how can a mother choose to abandon her family just to experience life overseas. Somehow the priority is just not right. Personally, I'd rather do everything that I would like to before planning for a baby. It is financially impossible to do everything that I want to, thus I'd rather shelve some of the plans until later in my life. If need be they can always be done after my retirement. There's always a right time and place and to the right thing. The right thing for me to do now is to plan for the perfect church wedding followed by a perfect wedding luncheon. Stressed, but still happy. Ciao.