The Field Marshal

The Story of 2 Safety Pins and a Man's Modesty Safety pins. Little contraptions made of twisted metal with a sharp end. Use in tailoring, dressing of wounds, stitching torn clothings, and protecting men's modesty. Where did that come from? Since when did safety pins played such a noble role in the brief history of humankind? Well, that noble role was discovered by your very own Fieldmarshal today. Yup, my modesty was capably protected by 2 humble safety pins. While I have always attested to the usefulness of such a simple contraption, I have never depended on it, as I had so much today, to safeguard my modesty. If you know by now, these little buggers - safety pins - have come to our rescue when skirts get torn, buttons on our pants (near the zipper) drops off, and countless other scenarios. But I have never utilised them for what I did today. To start the story, I am starting on a course today which will continue till the end of the week. Being the lazy bugger that I am, having a course wasn't my cup of tea since life in office is actually more comfy. Life is that great. Anyway, I am not one of those who goes ga-ga over self introductions, sharing what I think about management processes, or presenting the group's ideas etc. My idea of a course is for me to park my lazy bum on a chair and just listen to the trainer drone on about the subject at hand. Spoon feeding is my cup of tea. I can be that lazy sometimes. I have to say the course is pretty interesting. Everything was going fine till we broke for lunch. Being the 'gulper' of water that I am, I had a bladder that was screaming for release. So, at the word go, I got up from my chair and made my way to bladder heaven - the toilet. Oh, don't worry, there's nothing R(A) about what I am gonna share next. It's more embarassing than anything else. Okay, trudging happily to the gents, I did my business as I would any other day. And as I zipping my pants, the entire zipper head came off!!! Yes, the brass like thingy in the picture here. It CAME OFF!!!! It took me some micro seconds before my mind hit the panic button. I was like WHAT THE HELL!!!??? What's the likelihood of that happening? Having recovered sufficient wits, I headed into one of the cubicles and attempted to repair my pants. After a short while, I realised that my attempts at being a tailor was rather unsuccessful. My only option now was to leave the building and look for the trusty safety pins. It is a weired feeling walking around knowing that one's coffeeshop is 'open'. While the open fly is nicely camoflaged under my shirt, I felt really naked. Have you ever felt naked while fully clothed? Well, it's a really weird sensation. While I know that I looked like any bloke on the street, I can't help but fear that someone will see my open fly and think that I am one sick person trying to outrage their modesty. A 5 minutes walk felt like an eternity. After a short search, I managed to find a small little shop in the market that sold huge safety pins. I was going, 'Thank you God, Thank you so much!' Here's a picture of what my 'saviours' looked like. Mine are a sweet pastel blue (see title of post).

Upon getting hold of these little fellas, I made my way back to the training compound - in doublequick time. Rushed into the toilet and started Operations Save the Fieldmarshal's Modesty. Stitching up the front part of the pants where the zipper is, ain't an easy task. The sharp point on the pins looked capable of serious hurt if the stitching is not done properly. And to be frank, I do not want to hurt my crown jewels. After some struggle, I managed to pin up my pants in such a way that my modesty as well as those of the others will not be offended by the missing zipper head, which incidentally is still in my pant's pocket, that little devil.

And the day was saved. By 2 humble safety pin. You can leave your credit card at home. But never leave home without a pair of safety pins. Ignore this advice at your own risk.

You Will Never Walk Alone That's the motto of my favourite football club - Liverpool. Entitled this post with their motto cos' I, as well as Mydaemon, have been hooked on the game Fifa Manager 2006. Being a football junkie, I have always bought the latest version of EA Sports' football management game whenever they are launched. The same goes for this year. Perhaps my addiction to this game comes from the fact that I don't play football in real life, something which I do regret a little, and also that Liverpool can win the English Premier League, something which they have not done in the real world since 1990, under my armchair managerial brilliance. Apart from the countless hours of gaming, I have also been busy with a much more important issue, my upcoming wedding. Although there's still around 6 months plus to go, I realised that holding a church wedding entails quite a significant amount of planning. Firstly, we had to confirm if we can 'book' the priest, the church and the hall on our chosen 'auspicious' date. Then there's the invitations, preparation of traditional gifts, wedding photography, catering and the list goes on. But I am more than happy to do all these lah. It's worth it. Mydaemon has also be the best fiance around, helping me whenever the 'fieldmarshal' in me decides to AWOL the battleground. Things are moving along fine. I am preparing to call up some offers which my friends have generously volunteered some time back. I remember a particular friend of mine saying that she wouldn't mind being the MC for me wedding. She was somewhat glad to hear later that I am not having a banquet, but I am sure a church wedding will still require someone of her talent. You know who you are. So don't try to hide by stop reading my blog, cos' I know where to find you. hahaha..... Jokes aside. Over the last few weeks, I realised that having a Chinese wedding involves a lot of customs and traditions for both the groom's and bride's families. My family is totally clueless to such practices since we are not particularly traditional in that sense. Being a kantang that I am, lost is a good word to describe the way I felt. What to do? Log on to the net lah! That's my last hope of learning about the obsure, and sometimes interesting, rituals that we Chinese go through during weddings. It's bizarre, but most of the websites that provide advice on traditional Chinese wedding are based in US. Yes, US, not China, Hong Kong or Singapore. It made me realised that despite decades of residing in the land of the free, our Chinese brethen there are as traditional as their forefathers who first set foot there. Bizarre!!! Just have to repeat that word. Fact is, I don't care if the information is residing in a US website, or an African one. The important thing is that they contain the information which I need to ensure a smooth and happy wedding. For those we are still single, and still harbouring hopes of having a western-style wedding, here's some advice from your very own Fieldmarshal. First, if you are born between 1970 to 1985, my advice is that you give up that dream of a simple no-frills western wedding. There's no such thing as a simple wedding in the vocabluary for parents of those born in this period of time. Yes, you, you, and you in that corner over there. If you still insist on hanging on to that dream, then get prepared to be cut out from your parents fortune. Secondly, traditions and customs are very important. Lest the severity of this statement is not evident, think of spending the rest of your life thinking what you would have had if you didn't refuse to haul a skewered roasted pig to your wife's, I mean potential wife, parents. Heard that the Cantonese requires a pair of jeans be placed under the roasted meat. Wonder if there's a requirement that the jeans must be Levi's. Would Giodarno do? Thirdly, simple weddings are potentially possible sometime in 2030-2040, when we become parents to children who are preparing to get married then. I am sure most would have gotten the drift by now. Having shared some interesting insights to the world of Chinese weddings, I will now impart my secret manual. Just like those kung fu manuals, Master Fieldmarshal guarantees that the manual will impart to all fellow future 'bridegroom pugilists' the necessary skills to win the hearts of the in-laws. Like all good and responsible kung fu masters, I had certain rules for those wishing to have a peek at the manual. Firstly, the bridegroom must love his future wife with all his heart. Failure to do this will lead to death by bleeding through the seven channels (those who reads Chinese novels would understand what I mean). Secondly, he must be willing to exorcise all evil thoughts, thoughts which include simple western weddings. Thirdly, he must take everything seriously. Don't laugh if the manual tells you to string together 100 needles with a red string. If it has to be done, DO IT. Darn, I am having a ball of a time taking jibes at this. But frankly, customs are an important part of the Chinese society. So, the manual, or in its modern day version, website, I am sharing, is really useful for all couples who are intending to get hitched. However, I have to warn that I cannot vouch for the accuracy of the information. So, do read and follow the advice at your own discretion. And here's my secret manual... ... China Bridal.com. Have fun reading it!!!

New Favourite Radio Channel You know something has changed when your radio needle starts hovering around LOVE 97.2FM. Yes, 97.2FM is currently my preferred Chinese radio station. It has just dislodged YES 93.3FM from the perch I have left it on since my university days. Coming at a time when I just celebrated my 31st birthday, I can't help but feel that this change in my taste of music is but one of the symptoms marking a watershed point in my life. I am saying this since I have been one of those louts who laughed at the 'aunties' tuning in to the station in my younger days. Now having made the switch myself, I understand why those aunties and uncles enjoyed the music play spun by the station's DJs. Guess, it is time that I transit into the 'uncle' category. Have to say that I enjoyed the 20s. For those who still think that LOVE 97.2FM is for old fogies, I can only say that they are missing out good music from the early to late 90s. Guess the music strikes a deep chord within me since I have spent countless hours 'killing' songs (杀歌) with my friends in KTVs during our university days. Ur Sweet Lullaby was probably the best crooner amongst us then. I was just croaking most of the time. Think she's still the best songbird around even after becoming a mummy. There are also rumours that Mydaemon is also one 'mean' singer. Eh, how come I have yet to hear you sing? Anyway, listening to the station brings back a flood of memories. Going back to listening to my radio now.